Take & Give

There is nothing. 

There is no circumstance that has come to pass,
nor that is yet to come
in which I cannot take joy.

I know how very clumsily I’ve trod
the broken road of life that’s laid before.
How marked and torn I’ve left that fragile sod
from which sustained relationships should grow.

And still…. I take joy.

And I fear the past from which I’ve come
for it’s potential to foretell
a future filled with waste and pain,
transgressions that I know too well.

And still… I take joy.

Because I’m not sorry.

Though I never want to be the person I became,
never want to stumble down that treacherous path again,

I’m not sorry.

For these

These are the seeds sown deep in darkness.
These are the moments of survival,
of hope,
of miniscule resurrections,
of striving for a soul revival.

These germinate deep within
laborious and wintry endurance
of belief steadfastly underpinned,
and fed by faith and perseverance.

And the pressure I feel growing now,
wanting to burst forth through this thick skin
is life already moving again.
Life unfurling,
Long before the light strikes green.

So, I thank You, Father…
for where I’ve been. 

I thank You… for hating my pain.
I thank You… for making me whole again.
I thank You… for taking my mess,
burning away the uselessness,
finding the purpose in the darkness.
I thank You….for the sowing. 

This is who I am, and I’ve no idea where I’m going,
but everything lurking back there… behind?
Is in my mind. 

There are no monsters that You’ve not banished,
no wrongs You did not right.
There’s nothing back there that can ensnare me
or shroud my mind in night.

So I’m stepping back to look again,
looking for Your mosaic,
And all the while that I’ve been waiting,
for something less…
it’s already been growing.

it’s not about where I’m going. 

It’s not about who I’ll be

It’s about what it is that You’ve long ago done…
to prepare me. 

So I’ll no longer wait impatiently
for You to work miracles into my worthlessness.
Now I’m just waiting for the unveiling,
to see the beauty of Your purpose,
and what it is that You’re making of me.

This pain will birth such beauty,
that there’s no need to try to forget.
See, we’re moving at the speed of light…
we just aren’t there yet.

so this is why I say,
and this is why I maintain,

that there is nothing…
and I’m not sorry.
For only this remains.

I chose to take joy…
and it’s my joy to give You thanks.

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